[CNN Wannabe] Dead Chicken ID Released and Missing Chicken Search Continues: Day 1 Update: According to sources close to the scene, the young red hen who died mysteriously late Tuesday was from Ballard, WV and was known to friends as Plucky Pullet. She had just moved into her current residence last Thursday and was about 4 months old. The graveside service was held today and was poorly attended as her friends and family seem to have forgotten her already. “A chick killed on her own roost in the middle of the night doesn’t sound egg-zactly right.” an older hen cackled. A younger roommate clucked, “Plucky was never lucky.” The condolence dinner was served this evening, quite a spread of laying mash and cracked corn. 

The past National Advisor For Chicken Counseling, Dr. Earl E. Bird was interviewed today and said, “Sometimes chickens are bullied until they are low on the pecking order but often we don’t know why they really fly the coop.” Juan Duhring, representative for itinerant wildlife, declared none of his members were in the area at the time. The investigation continues.

In a related story, the chicken hunt for the missing white silkie hen focused today on the goat lot adjacent to Becky’s Coop. Tough terrain including thistles and a creek bank was scoured by the entire staff of Grandma’s Security Services. The area is not paved, so it was slow going. No feathers or body parts were found. She is pure white, has feathered feet, a David Bowie style topknot, and is extremely nervous. If seen, please contact us.

A security camera will be installed as soon as Grandpa buys batteries. Incriminating photos will be posted. The community is clamoring for a tar and feathering for the guilty party.

A sincere thank you is extended to the public for their help and humor during this difficult time.